ok ok ok

so you missed me, I was wrong to assume otherwise. :)

well make no mistake about it, I adore each and everyone of my 4 followers. So much so that if I could bake, (which I cannot) I would totally mail you all little sugar pumpkin cookies in light of the season. Or maybe if we are going in "light" of the current season, I would bake little American flag cookies. But either way the fact remains that I simply Cannot bake.

I am going to skip the intro and the build up here because I'm just to excited to wait any longer.

I HAVE FIGURED OUT WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY FUTURE. or better yet I feel like God has finally given me a snippet of where he wants to direct me in the future. I simply CANT FREAKING WAIT.

There are so many things that I long to do with my life. In fact, the Mr. and I were walking around my favorite part of the city on Sunday and I randomly blurted out, "I really hope I do something great with my life." his obvious reply was "you will babe, you will." But honestly, I think there are two ways of looking at that statement.

One, if you believe that you are on your own, making choices and that the outcomes are not purposeful, only the effect of the choice you previously made.

well than yes, one could only HOPE to do something great with their life.

Two, if you believe that Jesus Christ has your heart. If you believe that, than no matter WHAT you CHOOSE to do with your life, as long as your following his voice and praying earnestly about the desires he has for your future than no matter WHAT you do, be it the smallest simplest every day thing, it is going to make an impact on someone somewhere which in turn will ripple through to someone else. Nothing that you do will not be HUGE.

I believe that as a christian, and as my love for the father grows, he calls and points me into different random directions all the time. Its simply up to me whether or not I want to follow. I could choose to do something that I think would be big with my life. Granted it could be HUGE, but would it really change the life's of others around me, or would I be just another name in the book of someone who did something. Or I could choose to simply sit back and listen with patients for the next step or direction, than go for it. Yes my name may not go down in history for any recognition as someone who did something great, but I would rather be underground changing lives, giving hope and love, than be standing on a pedestal somewhere.


Wow, so I know I said I was just going to come right out and spew my new vision on my future but it appears that I lied.......it also appears that I am out of time so that my friends will be the topic of my next post......stay tuned :)


love.

To blog or not to blog

That appears to be the situation here....:)

I'm sorry I continuously put off writing my life into words..not that any of my oh so lovely followers are actually sitting around with worry or grief but even still I do apologize.

I just feel that as of late, not only has my life been ridiculously busy, but it has just been one of those months where I'm so confused and frantic about all and everything that I really cant even bring myself to put it into words. There really aren't any updates to give or advice to share. I still struggle day to day with the desire to make it to the gym and than following that the desire to eat healthy and Not have the "last cookie"...so to speak. I still have to slap my wrist every day for buying my latte instead of making it at home, or when I do make it at home I have to slap my wrist for drinking five cups as opposed to one. I am still contemplating this whole new "looooove thing" with the Mr. Which side note......

How crazy is it that the Mr. and I have in fact been dating for about 5 months now....yeah

Funny story- so neither of us could remember when we started dating, and than via facebook, I traced back our conversations and figured it was towards the end of June....I am so not the sentimental type....He asked me the other day if I remembered our first kiss and I looked at him and started laughing....my bad.


Im still sad and confused about the whole bff situation.....which is turning into quite the dead end...I might be taking applications for a new one lol because mine SUCKS right now.

Yes and other than those day to day thoughts endeavurs and struggles, I have the week to week struggle...A.K.A...MATH CLASS.

It meets every Monday night...and every Monday night I am a basket case....

I spend pretty much all weekend long with my nose in my book and than when I actually get to lecture every ounce of information I had in my brain exits stage left and Im left with a big lump in my throat and a deer in headlights expression....did I ever mention my Monday night classes are FOUR stinking hours long. wwwaaaahhh

OUR ECONOMY SUCKS....I wont rant on it lol...but it was just one final thought that I had....

It actually crossed my mind today as I was about to go blow money (because I shop when Im feeling ANY sort of emotion lol) that I probably should save it instead because I to might loose my job tomorrow and than be STUCK with all this debt and no income....


Whoa whoa whoa, before I close this- how could I forget to mention the biggest Praise the Lord of them all...or for future reference, I like to refere to these as PTL's....

My macy's card DOT DOT DOT is down to two hundred dollars...THATS CHUMP CHANGE....yahhhoooo one card almost down and threeeee more to go. :)

alright my blogger friends,

Check ya Later :)

Its been a while

so yes,

It appears as though it has been many moons since my last post. I have been thinking about it, it's just the "doing it" part that gets me good.

Still not talking to bff, that whole situation in itself is more than slightly ridiculous and maybe this is just what our friendship needed to open our eyes. maybe we needed something to let us know that our relationship has in fact changed, and not only that but we as people have changed and grown further apart that we had realized. That's ok right?

The Mr.....is more the Mr now, than ever before. As far as I'm concerned he has stopped doing drugs... Now smoking cigarets is a completely different story, but hey, you can only battle so much at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day and my man may not be built even in a year....but at this point, I am very willing to wait. I truly think I am in love with him. well see.

Skipping the transition-

I am a craft fanatic, all fall and winter long I am all about making the scarfs, mittens, hats, bags- you name Im attempting. All spring and summer long, Im making necklaces and other forms of jewelry. 

I always thought that I needed to grow up and be this big business women climbing her way through corporate america, but the past few months have brought me to my knees in realizations.  

The first one was the fact that I am not made or created to sit through years of vigorous schooling. I have NEVER been good at school, no matter how many hours, tears and lack of sleep I put into it- I just never seem to excel.....so i suppose i can count out being a doctor. 

The second realization i came to was the fact that I possibly could take the things that I am passionate for in life and pursue them as my career...

My dream has always been to open a coffee shop type deal someday, sell my crafts and such and than play music on the weekends......

I love my guitar and I am passionate about my songs....

Why do I need a degree to do the things I do behind closed doors every chance i get.

At this point Im still just brainstorming. I clearly need some motivation and a whole lot of guidance, but the wheels are certainly turning, and all things considered I think this is a great place to be.

happy monday to you all :)

For venting purposes only

Hump day is almost over, and what a day it was.


I have been super proud of myself these past couple weeks.

They have been filled with making coffee at home, not eating out more than once or maybe twice, absolutely NO frivolous shopping sprees other than that new mascara i just couldn't say no to, and making Mr. Man drive for a change so I can skimp on the gas money. I have been very frugal with my time in division between sleep, school work, school and my actual job plus side jobs. I have found myself to be growing in a lot of random ways. Ways which make me smile to myself as I am driving down the road in the morning, or climbing into bed at night. I feel as if every day I wake up and although my days are fairly long and stressful, I feel as if I am just one day closer to walking right into my "purpose" in life.

But on a dimmer note-


First vent-ful situation.

I have a lot of random friends and than I have my few good and close girlfriends, and than I have my BEST FRIEND. The one that has been my partner in crime for YEARS.

She texted me on Sunday as I was walking out of church asking to hang out.
well, my schedule has been like clock work, the same every single week since school started a couple months ago.
I work Mon through Fri all day long, than Mon nights I have class. Wed I work a double and Sat and Sun I spend doing homework all day with the exception of Sun mornings when I take a little breaky poo for God and attend my darling church.

So it was rather odd that she was asking to hang out when my obvious answer would be I'm sorry I'm writing a paper today. And it was also odd how she called me the previous Wed wanting me to come out with her and friend.....knowing that was my day of double madness. So when I responded to her text with my itinerary for the afternoon she simply wrote back ok, well can you just call me when you have time to talk. Which is red flag and code in BFF terms for "I'm mad at you for something and dot dot dot...WE NEED TO TALK"

WEIRD. So I called her up happy to chat with her and immediately she starts going crazy with accusations and selfish lingo. Saying that I am never around and its not fair and I need to get my priority's in order. blah blah blah BLAH

yeah that entire conversation completely came out of left field. I had no idea that there was an issue AT ALL. I mean I totally understand my lack of availability in person as of lately, but I e-mail the girl every single day. I had texted her the day before as I was on my way to work just to tell her that I loved her and hoped her day was going splendid. AAAANNNDD for the past month now I have been creating a secret BFF day. I have been knitting her this gorgeous skarf, I got her the next season of house that she has been dieing for and I was planning on taking her out to dinner one night just to have drinks and get away. I suppose it was like a date for BFF'S. Coincidentaly I had just finished the skarf right before we had our little phone conversation.

It is really sad how everything is going because honestly I have been so stinking busy with school and work and trying to pay these dumb cards off that I havent had any time to see anyone. (Other than the date I went on with the Mr. last friday) but the sad part is how all my other "close" friends have still been in communication with me. In fact I could go months with only talking to them on the phone and we would still be just as close as ever. But apparently BFF doesnt undersand that sometimes for certain periods or season in a persons life, its normal to communicate strictly through e-mails and phone calls. I initially felt bad about the situation, but now after replaying the entire conversation in my head over and over again, I find my self becoming irritated and annoyed. I barily have time to sleep anymore, much less deal with unecessesary drama.

So that whole situation is driving me NUTS

THAN.....

Second Vent-ful situation:


I do all of my banking on line, I pay my bills online, check my statements online...EVERYTHING is done online.

A couple weeks ago, I made a $150.00 payment towards my express card. I have been super excited and proud of myself for all the payments I have been making so I have been excited checking their websites so i can watch my number (debt) decrees.

Now keeping in mind I made this payment two weeks ago, it has yet to be updated in their system. So I gave them a friendly little call today to to reassure myself that nothing was wrong and that they just hadnt updated anything yet.

Wrong again missy mae. My friendly express rep informs me that they never recieved my payment.

Well considering I do EVERYTHING ONLINE and it was DIRECTLY paid to them, and THE MONEY IS NO LONGER IN MY ACCOUNT.....THEY HAD TO HAVE TAKEN IT.

So now I have to jump through all these hoops with my bank and with this stupid company to prove that I did infact pay my bill.

GAAAAAHHH- Im so frustrated with these sticky situations. Its so discouraging.....but at the same time when I take a step back to look at these situations as a whole....its rather chuckle inducing.

Sorry for this downer of a blog, but I needed to start looking for clarity somewhere, and here seemed to be the perfet place to start.

So on a brighter note- tomorrow is Thursday which makes the day after that Friday.
Bring on the weekend, I can use and extra hour of sleep and sanity.

waaaaaaahhh.